The Marriage Counselor
by JayleeJ
Summary: Temari loved her job, but these couples were so screwed up, they were almost beyond help. Almost. SasuSaku. NaruHina. NejiTen. GaaraPlant?
1. The Uchiha's

**A/N:** Hi peoples! This is my new story, I just thought of like…an hour ago. I, right now am review high. I. Can't _Believe._ how many reviews you guys gave me for the Anagram Proposal, and the 2nd chapter of 'Infilrating Neji Hyuuga'. So thank you thank you thank you. The only reason I'm posting this is because of your support. I love you people! Also...there is quite a bit of colorful language in this chapter...

**-JayleeJ**

**Summary:** Temari loved her job, but these couples were so screwed up, they were almost beyond help. Almost. SasuSaku. NaruHina. NejiTen. Gaara…plant/vacuum?

**Disclaimer:** Nothing's mine.

-  
-

**-The Uchiha's-**

**0.-.-**O_.o._O_.o._O_.o._**O****.o.****O**_.o._O_.o._O_.o._O**-.-.0**

_Counseling. In progess._

"Please sit down." Temari said. Sasuke and Sakura immediately separated and took seats far apart from each other. Temari winced, she could literally feel the deadly waves discharging from their glares.

Temari cleared her throat.

"Hello, umm, welcome to Counseling of the Sand." she said, smiling. "I'm Temari, head supervisor of the firm. Let's start off with how long you've been married." she instructed. Sasuke sent one last glare across the room and spoke.

"Tch…I don't even want to be here." Sakura frowned.

"Well fine Sasuke, leave!"

"You'd just make me sleep on that pink couch again."

"Damn straight."

Temari cleared her throat again and sighed.

She could tell already. This was about to be a long session.

**0.-.-**O_.o._O_.o._O_.o._**O****.o.****O**_.o._O_.o._O_.o._O**-.-.0**

After about an hour, she managed to pry out of the feuding couple that they've been married for six months and where the problem laid.

"Well…" Sakura stated. "It all started when he invited Neji Hyuuga and his bitch of a wife, Tenten over our house yesterday.

"Oh Jesus, here we go again…"

_----_

The doorbell of the Uchiha mansion rung, and Sasuke opened the door to his Hyuuga friends.

"Hey you guys. Please, come in and sit down."

The couple nodded and sat in the large family room where the TV and radio were on. Neji and Tenten handed Sasuke their coats.

"So Sasuke, how's the married life going?" asked Tenten.

"Pretty good actually."

Tenten looked around. "Where's Sakura?" Sasuke yawned.

"She's working a late shift at the hospital. Anyways Hyuuga, let's get started…"

"Aa."

Sasuke turned the TV to Auxiliary one and got everything ready.

"We settle this the prodigy way. Are you sure you're ready Uchiha?" asked Neji, tying his hair back. Sasuke just smirked.

"I was born ready."

"You speak big words. Hopefully you have the moves to back it up."

"Hmph. This won't go down like last time Hyuuga. I hope your senses have sharpened. I'll be going all out." Neji sneered.

"Ha. I'm a Hyuuga, the _last_ thing you should be worried about is _my _senses. You'd do better to worry about your own."

"Bring the heat."

"Don't worry. It. Will. Be. Brought."

They both stepped on 'X'.

"IT'S DANCE DANCE REVOULTION! LET'S D.D.R.! SELECT YOUR STYLE!"

---

"So you mean to tell me…you DDR'ed to the death? No fighting or anything?" asked Temari, taking notes. Sasuke nodded.

"Well besides that being…um…unethical…what's the problem?"

"There wasn't a problem until Sakura came home!"

"Don't you dare try to blame this on me!"

"Yeah, okay…"

---

"Sasuke-kun! I'm home early!" yelled Sakura as she angrily hung her coat up. Tsunade released her from the hospital since she was screwing up so badly; she almost lost a patient because the execution of her medical jutsu's weren't correct. Sakura was mad at herself more than anything, she hated to fail.

"Sasuke! Are you here?" There was stomping in the living room. What the hell…

"Sakura! I'm a little---DAMN FREEZE ARROW!---busy!"

"What's going---what the—" She frowned as she entered the family room. Sasuke and Neji were…dancing?

"Oh, hey Sakura!" said Tenten. Sakura jumped, not knowing Tenten was here as well.

"Umm…hey Tenten. What are they doing?"

"Nothing special, just DDR-ing." Sakura frowned.

"…Why?"

Tenten shrugged. "Cause that just the way prodigies do things I guess…" said Sakura scratched her head, not seeing the connection between dancing video games and being a genius. Psh. Whatever.

"Well I'll get dinner started." she said, putting an apron over her hospital scrubs. Sakura was tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but since they had guests over…

She thought she'd be flattering, and cook a recipe Tenten herself lent; The Fruit/Yogurt/Egg and Cheese Salad. It was easy to prepare and delicious.

-

_Fifteen minutes later…_

-

"Guys! It's time to come eat!" yelled Sakura from the kitchen. The prodigies came from the family room and sat down with their wives. Sakura passed the bowl around.

"Wow Sakura! You made this really well…except you forgot the salt." said Tenten. "But no biggie, it's a common mistake…"

"Well, you never wrote down 'salt' on the recipe, so I didn't add it…" said Sakura, frowning.

"Haha. How could I forget my own recipe! You probably just over looked it."

"No you just didn't add it." said Sakura irritably.

"Oh Haruno calm down, stop being so childish…"

"Childish? You want to know what's childish? Your husband cheating my Sasuke just now! He was totally using the Byagukan on those 10-footers!" exclaimed Sakura, her bad mood surfacing further. Tenten rolled her eyes.

"Oh PLEASE! Sasuke was using the Sharingan the WHOLE TIME!---"

"Can we be excused?" interrupted Sasuke. Tenten and Sakura were occupied in their staring (glaring) contest and didn't answer.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come on Neji, let's go." continued Sasuke. "This is about to get really ugly, really fast. And I have a new unlocked song I wish to show you…." Neji nodded and left.

"You've got some nerve!" cried Sakura. "Coming in MY house talking to me in such way, you no-screen-time-getting whore!"

"This is SASUKE'S house so I can do as I please you desperate-pink-haired idiot!"

"At least I've had a LAST NAME my whole life!"

"At least I've been an USEFUL KUNOICHI my whole life!" exclaimed Tenten. "What were you doing before team 7 broke up? Running around and screaming in circles like a fucking pansy!"

"Well, I can beat your ass!" shouted Sakura. "My strength rivals that of Tsunade HERSELF! I'd screw you up so bad, not even she could heal you!"

"You expect me to be scared of your MANLY MUSCLES? That's just disgusting. And at any rate, one kunai from me to you would be your death. Unlike SOME PEOPLE, I never miss a target!"

"WOW! You throw KNIVES at people!!! Whoope-dee-fucking-doo!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

"Homewrecker!"

"Go swallow!"

"Screw you! NEJI! We're LEAVING!" yelled Tenten. A few minutes later a sad looking Neji came out the living room with Sasuke behind him.

"Your place next time Neji." said Sasuke, shaking his head.

"Obviously. Same time?"

"Yes. And I'll bring the Cheetos and Capri-suns as well."

"I prefer the hot-and-spicy kind if you don't mind."

"No problem."

"See you next week."

"Definitely."

"Excellent." He and Neji shook hands, and Sasuke retreated to the back of the house.

The Hyuuga's got their coats and started to exit.

"Anal-giving whore…" muttered Tenten not-so-quietly, walking out onto the porch.

"Cunt-faced wipe…" replied Sakura.

She slammed the door behind them.

"SASUKE! Get you chicken-haired ass out here right now!" Reluctant footsteps came from their bed room.

"Hn?"

"Don't you 'hn' me. WHY did you invite the Hyuuga's over without telling me?! And WHY didn't you back me up at dinner! You just bailed with Neji!" she shouted. Sasuke frowned.

"You were at work so I couldn't get in touch with you. And you've been doing stuff without telling me too!"

"Oh yeah! Like what?"

"How about PAINTING OUR HOUSE PINK WITHOUT EVEN ASKING!"

"You said you liked the color pink…"

"Yeah. On you!"

"Don't try to change the subject! You never answered my question!"

"Why should I? I didn't even do anything wrong!"

"Ugh!" Sakura stormed off to their bedroom and Sasuke heard a silent 'click'.

"IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING ON THE SAME BED AS ME, SINCE YOU'D PROBABLY DIE BECAUSE OUR COMFORTER IS PINK!" shrieked Sakura though the door. Sasuke sighed.

Damnit…that couch was uncomfortable…

--

"Oh. I see now. Hmm..."

"So what should we do?" asked Sasuke. "I mean, I love Sakura, but she keeps doing stuff without telling me! Plus, I don't think I can sleep on that couch one more night."

"Yeah, I love Sasuke-kun too, but I'm still mad. How should we compromise?"

Temari looked over her notes.

"Give me a chance to review everything, and I'll have a solution in a few days." she said. In the meantime, Sakura, let Sasuke sleep with you again, and Sasuke, refrain from letting Tenten back over. Come back in around four days or so."

The couple nodded and left and Temari's plant sprung back to life. There was a knock on her door.

"Come in!"

It was…Gaara? Temari didn't even bother to hide her shock.

"Gaara! What are you doing here? Wait…don't tell me you've finally gotten a girlfriend!!!" Her brother shook his head.

"No. But me and someone need counseling."

"…What someone?"

"Choby and I."

He sat down and placed the Chia-pet on his lap. Temari's mouth hung open.

"Er…so what's the problem…"

"Choby refuses to grow." explained Gaara. "I've done everything I could possibly do to make him happy. I just don't…know if I can go through this anymore…" Temari resisted the urge to laugh.

"Well...what _exactly_ have you done brother…?" Gaara started to look sad.

"I've sang to it and we've gone out for ice cream _and_ watched the Chuunin Exams together, plus a lot of other stuff! I just don't know what do!"

Temari sighed. She should have known.

"Gaara…did you _water_ it?"

"…Well..I gave it sand." Temari chuckled.

"Gaara! Plants don't work that way! You have to give it water and sunlight to make it happy! Not take it places!"

"He's not an 'it'. He's a plant with feelings and dreams! Apologize!" Temari rolled her eyes. She got on her knees so she could be at eye-level with…_him. _What she would do to make Gaara happy…"I'm sorry."

"Good." said Gaara nodding. "…So all I have to do is water him?

"Yeah, I think so…"

"..Oh."

"See you at dinner."

"…Right. Come come Choby, it's time to go. And Temari..."

"Hmm?"

"I want the Chia-gourd for my birthday."

"Okay…"

He and 'Choby' left while Temari started to pack her things. She looked who she had on the books for tomorrow.

The Uzumaki's? What trouble could they possible have?

**0.-.-**O_.o._O_.o._O_.o._**O****.o.****O**_.o._O_.o._O_.o._O**-.-.0**

**A/N:** Please review and tell me if I should continue or not. Thank you for all the support you've given me in the past few days. Lol, if you didn't get the salad joke, go read my other story, Infiltrating Neji Hyuuga! Anyways, thanks you for reading, and tell me whether I should keep going!


	2. The Uzumaki's

**A/N:** Wow! Thank you ever so much for all of the lovely reviews given! You really do like this story! For once I actually don't have much to say except for enjoy! And as always, check out my other stories, **Infiltrating Neji Hyuuga**, **The Anagram Proposal** and **Worst Case Scenario**.

And thanks to my beta, mintxrain!

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:** One day Naruto will be of my possession, I promise it!..But sadly that day isn't today.

**Note:** Also, you might want to skim over the last chapter really quick.

**(-.-.-.-0o0O0o0O0o0-.-.-.-)**

Temari straightened the fan on her wall and took another look in the mirror, wanting to make the best impression on the Hokage and his wife this afternoon. As soon as she sat down, the awaited couple knocked on her door. Instead of just yelling 'Come in!' she stood up to welcome the duo herself. Hinata gave her a quick greeting and a timid smile while Naruto just continued to look downward. However, unlike the Uchiha's, the Uzumaki's actually sat together.

"Hello Hokage-sama, Hinata-san." greeted Temari. Welcome to Counseling of the Sand. I'm Temari, head counselor here at the firm. Ready to get started?" She waited for one of them to speak first. After a nervous glance from Hinata and a stubborn pout from Naruto, Temari took the initiative.

"Okay…why don't we start off with how long have you've been together?"

Silence.

"Well…about nine years, since we were eighteen." started Naruto. "…but we shouldn't even be here! Hinata-chan is just overreacting!" Hinata sent him an exasperated look.

"Well, I'm just trying to save our marriage!"

"It doesn't need saving! All couples get into arguments _sometimes_!"

Temari cleared her throat.

Looks like she's in for another long session.

**(-.-.-.-0o0O0o0O0o0-.-.-.-)**

"How about you start from the very beginning…" recommended Temari.

"I'll do it." said Hinata firmly. She shot Naruto a cold look, daring him to say otherwise. (Or as cold as Hinata could possibly get…which is like…luke warm. Anyways.)

"Whatever…"

"Well…it all started a couple days ago…We had some company over…."

--

"Thanks again Hinata for letting us play DDR here. Tenten and Sakura…aren't getting along too well…" said Sasuke. Neji just half-smiled in what was supposed to be appreciation.

"Any time boys…But tell me, what's so fabulous about stomping on arrows?" she asked. Neji and Sasuke made dramatic offended looks.

"It's so much more than just 'stomping arrows' as you so delicately put it." spat the long-haired prodigy.

"It takes heart and skill to do what we do. Isn't that right Neji?"

"Damn straight."

" . . ."

After getting over the initial shock, Hinata laughed lightly. She supposed everyone had their own…hobbies.

"Okay, okay, sorry I asked."

"No worries, Hinata-sama. It was a valid question." said Neji. "…Sasuke, pass the hot-and-spicy Cheetos if you will." Sasuke made a move to pick up the bag for Neji but Hinata slapped his hand.

"No more junk! Naruto and Tamaki-kun will be here soon and dinner is almost ready. You guys like salad right? It's a recipe from Tenten I'm making---"

"No!" cried Neji and Sasuke simultaneously. Hinata frowned while Sasuke provided an explanation.

"That salad is evil. I swear on all lollipops sacred that that salad is only a recipe for disaster, nothing more." he said, looking around frantically.

"Indeed. It made Sakura and my wife, Tenten, fight just two days ago."

"It gave me a tummy ache!"

"It killed my first born!" called Neji. Sasuke and Hinata looked at him incredulously.

"WHAT! How can a salad kill a child?" the heiress asked.

"Well…alright, it didn't," admitted Neji. "…but that salad is still a demon sent from hell. Uchiha…We must dispose of it." Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"Right. I'm on it Hyuuga." With his Sharingan blazing, Sasuke lunged for the meal, but Hinata snatched up the bowl and jumped just in time. Hell. No. Sasuke and Neji will **NOT** destroy her dish just because they were prodigies and thought they could do whatever they wanted!

After many failed attempts, the prodigies left her alone and continued to play DDR, swearing they were going out to eat and told Hinata not to take it personally. But she did anyways.

The familiar sound of a door opening and keys jingling was heard. A little boy's laughter echoed off the halls as he called for his mother.

"Mommy! Me and Papa are home!" said Tamaki-kun. Hinata just smiled and waited for her husband and son to come into the living room. Naruto saw his wife and that ever-permanent smile brightened even more. Tamaki ran to hug his mother around the waist.

"Hi mommy!"

"Hey Hinata-chan! What's up?" greeted Naruto. "...And why are Neji and Sasuke playing DDR?"

"Hi hunny. Hi Tamaki-kun" She pecked both her boys on the cheek. "I don't know hun. It's their ninja way I suppose…but don't ask. They are surprisingly touchy about it—"

"We heard that!" said Neji, still stomping wildly.

"SHIT! I LOST MY COMBO!" yelled Sasuke. Naruto started to yell back at his former comrade.

"DAMN SASUKE! DON'T FUCKING CURSE AROUND TAMAKI-KUN YOU ASSHOLE!"

Sasuke just flipped him off, concentrating more on beating his opponent. Naruto sighed loudly and took off his Hokage hat while Hinata uncovered her son's ears.

"Stupid teme… Anyways, what's for dinner? Tamaki-kun and I are starved, ain't that right son?"

"Believe it!"

"…Well, dear...I made some---" Something tugged at her apron.

"Mommy!" cried Tamaki cutting her off. Hinata gave him a reproachful look.

"Son, what did I tell you about talking over others?" He grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry mom, but this is important! My teacher gave me an F on my report, but I don'tdeserve one!" Hinata frowned.

"What? Ino failed you?"

"Son…let daddy see your work. Okay?" Naruto patted his son on the head.

"Hai! Hold on…" He fished in the large pockets of his jacket and pulled out two rolled papers. He gave a cute, heart-melting smile and went to his room. Hinata opened the papers with her husband reading over her shoulder.

**Tamaki Uzumaki (Heheh. My name rhymes!)**

**Mrs. Yamanaka's 3rd grade Blok 4 class.**

**Report on see animales.**

**SEE ANIMALES**

**Intoduktory paragraf:**

**See animales are good. Very good. Like….awsome! But the bestestest is Barnacles. They live in lots o' water, such as the ocean, the sea rivrs and somtymes my bathtub. **

**But not realy the bathtub part**

**They hav ben on the earth 4 a looooong time.**

**Bodi paragraf:**

**See barnacles live in barns. Under the see. I've seen the Lyttle Mermiad last week so I kno. Believe it! People aksidetnly kill them with boats. Yesh, I kno…it's very sad. Howevr, when 1 of them die, the rest hav fiestas! So it's kinda okay I gess. I saw tht on the Lyttle Mermiad 2 by the way.**

**The next bestest see animales is the seahorse.**

**It's cool, cause it's a horse…but underwater!**

**But, boys hav the babys instead off the girls. Wich in my openion is kinda gay. But whatever.**

**They come in lots of diff. colurs. Like orange. My favorite.**

**And they hav springy tails.**

**Anyways. **

**That's my report. **

**Tamaki Uzumaki.**

**PS: I want the ORANGE stiker by my 'A'. Mmkay?**

**Teacher's Note: Tamaki, dear. I know you tried hard on this report, but maybe you should stay after-school some days, so we can work on your grammar structure. Talk to your parents about it, and get this report signed.**

Neji and Sasuke stop playing DDR to read the report Tamaki-kun was so upset about.

And once they finished, they proceeded to roll on the floor, laughing their heads off.

"HOLY SHIT Naruto! You're kid's a dumbass!" said Sasuke clutching his stomach. Neji was laughing so hard he couldn't even talk.

"What are you talking about? His sources were completely valid!"

". . ."

"Well…" said Neji…advancing off the floor. "…we know where he get it's from!"

And they started to laugh all over again, murmuring how someone so dense could have ever become Hokage. Hinata just look agitated at her husband.

"Naruto…you can't tell me that was an 'A' report."

"Why not? He's only in the 3rd grade!"

"So!" exclaimed Hinata. "I was able to spell 'sea' in the 1st grade! I think it's cause you spoil him so much! All he has to do is smile and giggle and you do what ever he wants to! Tamaki need to get his head the books and study more! Not play!" Naruto pouted. Why was everything always his fault?

"Well I'm Hokage! I don't get to spend a lot of time with him. I just want Tamaki to have fun sometimes!"

"Tamaki's grades should come before fun!" cried Hinata. Neji nodded in agreement.

"She's right Naruto…my Harumi-chan got an 'A plus-plus' on her report…and she's three years younger than Tamaki. Maybe you should re-evaluate how he spends his time, and whether or not it's productive."

"Well…"

"Yeah." interrupted Sasuke, sipping on some water. "Shiro-kun is using the Sharingan at eight years old. Your kid is behind." Naruto snorted.

"Hmph. Let's think. Who ELSE could use the Sharingan at eight? Sounds like you've born another nut-case in the family…"

"Is that so?…" started Sasuke. Hinata saw where this argument could lead and quickly changed the subject.

"Um…well…dinner is ready! Can someone help me get the plates?" Neji frowned. Sasuke continued to death-glare Naruto.

"We told you already. Me and Sasuke refuse to eat." Naruto's eye's bulged as he went to help his wife set the table.

"What!? You two aren't going bulimic on me right!? You guys! Starving yourself is not the answer!" Sasuke snorted. Uchiha's don't 'go bulimic'.

"No, you retard." said Sasuke. "We don't want to eat the salad because it's evil. Did you NOT read chapter one? Do you NOT know of the woes it brings upon others?" Hinata rolled her eyes. The title of 'prodigy' was so overrated. Enough of this nonsense.

"Stop being silly! What would Konoha say if they found out two of our strongest shinobi were afraid of a salad?"

The geniuses exchanged worried glances as the color drained out of their faces. Their health was important…but their reputation was critical. Hinata smirked knowing she had won. Geniuses or not, they were still men with pride.

"...Fine. We eat. But not much." said Sasuke finally. Naruto just gave a nonchalant 'Whatever.' and went to fetch his own son for dinner.

**(o.0.O.0.o)**

"Son…it's time to eat." said Naruto, entering Tamaki's room. Book and papers were everywhere and he seemed to be studying. Naruto beamed. He was right and Hinata was totally wrong, Tamaki was a good student! His wife just need a little bit more faith in their son. Naruto gave him a slap on the back.

"Working hard? Well good. Know your old man is proud of you, no matter what grades you get. I'll just bring you dinner in here with you." Tamaki just smiled, flipping though his science book.

"Thanks Papa. I love you!"

Naruto grinned and returned to the kitchen. As soon as his door closed, Tamaki let out the smirk Uncle Sasuke taught him and pulled out the Ninja Info Card game hidden from under the books.

"Ha. What a dumb loser…" Tamaki pulled out his favorite card.

His limited-edition, holographic Haku never looked more powerful.

**(o.0.O.0.o)**

After Naruto got Tamaki's meal, he sat down to eat his own. Neji and Sasuke were currently flipping though channels.

_-Click-_

"It's Konoha Idol! Watch as Iruka, Anko, Ibiki and your votes choose the next pop sensation!---"

_-Click-_

"Kira! I, detective 'M', will hunt you down for I. Am. JUSTICE!---"

_-Click-_

"We are fighting dreamers---!"

"Keep it here! I love Maruto!---

...wait it's the English dub…nevermind…you can change it…" said Sasuke. Neji just shrugged.

_-Click-_

"It's who wants to be…a hundred-thousand-aire!" We're with Gaara of the Sand and he's on his 2nd question! Good luck Gaara!"

"Go die."

"…Okaaay! First question!"

-cue dramatic lighting and music-

In the well known parody 'The Maruto Abridged Series', what is Sansuke's main rival?

---The Number 2

---Itochi

---A Log

---A Chicken

"Err. That's a tough one Regis, um, I mean Zabuza. But I'm going to have to go with 'B'. Itochi….Final answer."

"….Ooooh. Tough shit Gaara. The answer was 'C', a log. But you walk away with 100$---"

"Let me continue or I will kill you."

"…"

"…"

"Okay! On to question 3!"

_-Click-_

"Subway! Eat fresh! Hi, I'm Choji and I lost 150 pounds off the Subway weight lost program! I used to eat potato chips everyday but---"

_-Click- _

"Crap…nothing is on." said Neji, sounding bored. Hinata glared at him and his untouched meal. He visibly twitched.

"Wait you guys! Guess what! I got a family pet!" exclaimed Naruto randomly. "I can't believe I almost forgot!" Everyone at the table raised an eyebrow.

"Well where is it?" asked Hinata.

"Hold on one moment…let me go get her…" Naruto ran off in another direction.

"Why do I have a feeling this pet of his is about to be really gay?"

"Because…it will."

"SCREW YOU SASUKE!" echoed Naruto from another room.

"Stupid dobe. Anyways, let's go play some more DDR Neji---"

"Like hell you will. You will eat, and THEN you can play DDR." said Hinata, scowling.

"But Hinata-sama," said Neji "---let us work up an apatite from dancing. Then we will eat whatever you wish us to." Her features softened.

Hinata thought it over, and decided she trusted her older cousin. As soon as that last arrow left the screen they better be over here eating or else…

"Fine.-"

"I found it!" yelled Naruto, rushing in to the dining room with a dark cage. "She's just the cutest thing in the world. You'll love her!"

Everyone crowed around the cage as he set it on the table. He reached inside.

"Close you eyes! I want it to be a surprise!"

"Just show it to us dobe!"

"Fine, spoil-sport!" He placed the pet next to Sasuke's hand.

"What…the fuck…is that? Get it away from me. Like, right now."

"It's Mammequa! A Russian Jellyfish!" Everyone in the room gave him a 'WTF' face, but Naruto didn't notice.

"It's a jellyfish Naruto? Are you sure? It looks more like some Jello with six dicks or something." said Sasuke. Neji poked it twice.

"Actually, it reminds me more of Naruto's cooking. What do you think Hinata-sama?"

She didn't answer right away.

"Naruto. Kitchen. NOW."

"You sound angry Hinata-chan---"

"NOW!"

Neji and Sasuke snickered as they returned to the mats near the TV. Hinata dragged Naruto by the ear.

"What an idiot. Who comes home with a jellyfish…as a pet?" thought Sasuke. As if on cue, the Jellyfish started to secrete white foam from its stingers.

"And a rabid jellyfish at that..."

**Meanwhile back in the kitchen…**

"Naruto. Are you out of your mind?" asked Hinata.

"Well…"

"Let me answer for you. YES. You are. What possessed you to come home with that…thing? What if it stung someone? What if it stung you!? Mamiquasha or whatever belongs in the sea!" yelled Hinata. Naruto sighed. Well…she seemed like a good idea at the time…

"Gaara said she could be worth a lot of money one day if we breed her correctly!"

"…"

"It's true! After we traded, he wrote down all of the information and everything!"

"Traded? Traded what----?"

The lights went off.

"Nothing important. Just our electricity bill."

**Meanwhile, back in the living room…**

"YES! I finally beat you Hyuuga! My high score will forever be known!" cried Sasuke, panting. Neji just smirked.

"Well...there's a first time for everything. Let's save the game and get out of here before Hinata makes us eat that salad----"

The lights and the TV went off.

"What the---"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO000000000000ooooooooooo!"

"Calm down. It's just a game."

"But my precious high score!..."

"No worries." said Neji. "You kick my ass in Guitar Hero anyways, so we're even…" A worried voice called from the kitchen.

"Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, everything is perfect!" called Sasuke, sarcastically. "We're just sitting here in darkness, with demonic salad, no DDR and a jellyfish, who by the way, is rabid. Everything is just fucking fantastic."

**(-.-.-.-0o0O0o0O0o0-.-.-.-)**

"So, yeah…that's the story. Naruto traded our electricity bill and won't handle Tamaki-kun correctly. I love Naruto-kun with all of my heart but he has certain responsibilities to adhere to at home as well as Konoha!" said Hinata, waving her hand in the air for emphasis. Temari just nodded.

"Right…I understand why you're angry Hinata….but Naruto, why are you mad?" Naruto glared at Hinata.

"Because!" exclaimed Naruto. "This morning before we left the house to come here, she _slaughtered_ Mammequa! In our _garbage disposal!_ You should have heard her screams as the blades sliced her into ribbons underneath our sink! And now we can't even have a proper funeral! We could have just let Mamme-chan go into the sea but noooo, Hinata had to be a heartless _witch_ and _shred_ her. That's what I'm pissed about!" Hinata look like she was about to retort, but Temari cut her off.

"Look Hinata. I know you're mad, and you have every right to be, but Naruto is right about what he said before. Couples fight all of the time; your marriage is certainly not in danger."

Naruto stuck his tongue out. Hinata rolled her eyes.

"…However, Naruto. You have to think before you do things like that! And Hinata is right about your duties as a husband and a Hokage. You have balance your obligations."

Hinata held up a peace sign while Naruto pouted. Temari continued.

"So. I want you two to come back in three days, and I'll give you a final solution. In the meantime please act semi-civil to each other and Naruto, don't buy anymore sea animals. Does that sound okay?" Naruto and Hinata briefly glanced at each other and nodded. Temari bade them goodbye and shut the door.

Holy crap, Konoha had some crazy couples.

A silent knock on the door interrupted Temari's thoughts. She yelled a 'Come in!' and a sad looking Gaara trudged into her office, Choby in one hand, and something else in the other. Temari couldn't see because her brother was half standing in the shadows.

"Gaara….what a pleasant surprise. What can I help you with?"

"I need help with Temari."

"…Excuse me?"

"I need help with Temari." he repeated. "She won't do anything I say, and speaks in…tongues."

"Who are you talking about?"

"You didn't get the message I sent you telepathically?"

"…No…"

"Oh, well I brought a little playmate for Choby. " explained Gaara, as if it was obvious. "I've tried to breed them together, but Choby just doesn't seem to like Temari too much. I named her after you sister, if you didn't notice." He pulled a sickly tarantula from his pocket. "Isn't Temi-chan awesome?"

Temari twitched.

"Uh…sure Gaara! I'm very…flattered." Temari ignored the spider and narrowed her eyes in on Choby. He was _different _somehow…. "Gaara, did you give Choby water like I said? His fur is so green! How did he grow so much in one day?" Gaara snorted.

"No. Your 'give him water' advice didn't help at all."

"Then what did you do?"

"I gave him H2O instead. After that, he started growing like crazy."

"…"

"…"

"…Right…now about this tarantula…what's the problem again?"

"Temari speaks in 'IM', and it's getting annoying---don't hiss, Temi-chan, it's true! You have a problem!"

-hiss hiss-

"Yeah S.T.F.U right back at you!"

"…"

"So yeah, can you talk her into speaking like a _normal_ spider please?"

"I-I'll see what I can do…" Temari stooped down to, well, Temari's level."

"Do I have to speak in IM?"

"No. She understands either way." explained Gaara. His sister cleared her throat.

"Umm…alright…Temari…why won't you and Choby get along? And why do you keep speaking in IM?"

-hiss hiss-

"She says 'IDK. I just like 2 LOL at ur bro.'" Temari resisted the urge to twitch and continued.

"Umm…well…can you stop?"

-hiss-

"Temari says, 'Nah. IDC what U think! ICDWIWTYST!!!'"

"Excuse me? What does ICDWIWTYST mean?"

"You don't know? And here I was thinking you were hip…it's a common acronym…"

"Yeah sure. What does it mean?"

"I Can Do Whatever I Want To You Stupid Twit. Duh. What're you? Brain dead?" Temari glared. How in the _hell_ was she supposed to figure that out?

"Well…your mom!"

"Don't you mean _our_ mom?"

"WHATEVER! Listen. Temari! Just stop okay! Choby, get along with her! Gaara. Just _leave! _You and your inanimate objects/deadly creatures are giving me a headache._" _

"Choby just huffed at you and Temari says 'No. XD'"

"XD? What's that?"

"It's a face…like…'Dude! You just got F'ed in the A' sort of thing. Or that's what Shino told me, since he's so hip and everything."

"Since when was Shino hip?"

"How can you wear sunglasses like that and _not_ be hip?" asked Gaara. "Anyways, don't ask me what 'F' and 'A' stand for."

Temari sighed loudly. She was about at her wits end. Gaara was clearly screwed in the head and he was dragging her down with him.

"Who cares! Why did you get this thing anyways!?"

"Hmm…one day I decided, 'Hey why not get a spider?'"

"Well…how did you get the money?"

"Naruto. I sold him a jellyfish I found by the sewage dump. Heh. Fool." Temari rolled her eyes. Her brother needed to take his shenanigans somewhere else. This insanity stops now.

"Gaara…I love you, but. GET. OUT! Choby doesn't have feelings! H2O is the same thing as water! You naming a tarantula after me is creepy. She doesn't talk in IM, she can't even talk at all! So just…GET. OUT! You're driving me nuts! I'm sorry, but I'll just have to see you at your birthday dinner later okay?"

Gaara's eyes narrowed.

"Fine. Me and Temi-chan don't want to be where we're not wanted.---

...and Temari?"

"Hmm?"

"Where's my Chia-gourd, bitch?"

**(-.-.-.-0o0O0o0O0o0-.-.-.-)**

**A/N:** Oh wow, this is the longest chapter I've ever written. Consider it an apology for taking so long to update. And as always, check out my other stuff as well if you can find the time.

WOW! You guys really like this story! That's awesome! I feel really happy everyone is enjoying it so much. This chapter dedicated to all of my reviewers and my beta! Thank you mucho gusto!

-J-


	3. The Hyuuga's

A/N: I know. Late update. 'Think Outside The Bun' wore me out! If this story wasn't crack before, it certainly is now…

_JayleeJ_

_Disclaimer- Yes I'm indeed the owner of Naruto. Just like how I own Chik-fil-A and umbrellas.  
_

_**O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O  
**_

Temari was pouring some water into the vase on her desk when she heard a firm knock on the door. She got up and welcomed the not-so-happy looking Hyuuga's, who feebly greeted her back and immediately sat apart from each other. Tension instantly filled the air as Neji stared angrily at a section of floorboard and Tenten fidgeted with her hands.

"Hi!" exclaimed Temari, trying to lighten up the mood. "I'm Temari Sabaku, head counselor here at the--"

"We know who you are already." said Neji sounding bored. Tenten shot a glare from across the room.

"You're such a jackass sometimes. She was just going through formalities!" Neji rolled his eyes at his wife, already annoyed at her for forcing him to come in the first place.

"Why waste time? I don't want to be here any longer than I have to--"

"If you don't wanna be here then fine, leave!" cried Tenten. "let our marriage go down the drain!" Her husband shrugged.

"…Sure." Neji got up and started to make his way toward the door.

"Get your ass back here right now so we can sort this out!"

"But you just said--"

"Never mind what I just said!" exclaimed Tenten. "you were supposed to say _'Fine honey, anything for you.'_, but no! You're such an asshole you couldn't even figure _that _out!" Neji snorted.

"I would reply to that with a witty and clever statement, but given it didn't even make freakin' _sense_--"

"Finish that sentence and I'll _knock_ some 'freakin _sense_' into your pupiless, white eyed head--"

"Don't you _dare_ mock the Hyuuga!" shot Neji, standing up. "You should be _thankful_ for the Hyuuga, after all, it **did** give you a last name--" Temari slammed her hands down on her desk. Enough was enough.

"Calm down," she said coolly, restacking the papers on her clipboard. "I know feelings are a bit…strained right now, so let just try to get through this without quarrelling, ne? Let's start off with what actually happened." Neji and Tenten exchanged glances and the prodigy spoke first.

"Well…after Tenten raised holy hell at Sasuke's and Sakura's house--"

"I did no such thing!"

"Yelling at Sakura about a evil salad qualifies as 'hell raising' Tenten--"

"My.Salad.Isn't.Evil--!"

"Can we PLEASE just continue!" said Temari, exasperated. Neji sighed and resumed.

"After Tenten _raised holy hell _at the Uchiha's, we went to the salon."

"Salon?" asked Temari, sounding confused. "What for?"

"Well it was Itachi's salon's one year anniversary thingy and we promised to go…"

_Flashback..._

_**Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

"Welcome to the Akasuki! I'm glad you could make it." said Itachi opening the door for Tenten and Neji. Kiba, Shino, Sasuke, Hinata and Ino all waved upon their entry.

"Hi you guys!" said Ino, getting up from the counter. "Help yourselves to any of the snacks and maybe a perm or two from Deidara!" Tenten squealed while Neji just maneuvered his way towards the refreshments.

"So…what's this whole thing about Itachi?" asked Tenten, sitting in Deidara's salon chair. Itachi looked up from his work on Hinata's nails.

"It's a celebration for the one year anniversary of the Akasuki," He opened up another bottle of polish. "We've been open for one year, starting today, and were also the first salon to be Konoha's number one in their first year of business. That's something to celebrate, ne?" Tenten nodded.

"…Hinata, Pastelerific Purple or Everlasting Indigo?" asked Itachi. Hinata frowned.

"Are we out of Midnight Black Escapade?" Itachi smirked and held up his own hands.

"Man, save some for your paying customers next time!"

_**Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO**_

"But Tobi is a good boy…so he needs to do it right like Ita-san taught him…"

"I don't care. I'm not doing it." said Shino. Tobi hung his head.

"Tobi doesn't want to resort to yelling--"

"Then don't."

"BUT TOBI WILL IN THIS CASE! I CAN'T GIVE SHINO-SAN A FACIAL WITH HIS GLASSES ON!"

"Shouting will not sway my decision--"

"What the hell is going on back here?" questioned Itachi, stepping through the curtain. Tobi started to point dramatically.

"Ita-san! Tobi wants to--"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

"Gomen Tachi-kun." Itachi twitched.

"Anyways, Tobi wants to give Shino-san a facial but he won't let Tobi take his glasses off!"

"Is this true Shino?" The bug master nodded.

"Then why the hell did you ask for a facial?" inquired Itachi. Shino frowned.

"…I actually don't know." So he got up and went over to the refreshment table with Neji.

"Pointless bastard…"

_**Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

"You guys! Come here quick! Itachi's glasses commercial is on!"

"No way!"

"Turn it up!!"

"Wait, Itachi you have an eyewear company?"

"Well after my yoyos of mass destruction didn't do so well in the market, I switched over…"

"Shhhh!"

**_.-XoX-._**

"Do you have red eyes?" said Itachi walking out onto a hill over looking the ocean. Dramatic classical music started to play in the background.

"Are your glasses and-or contacts not doing it for you?" The scene suddenly changed. He was walking in a park and autumn leaves fell all around him. The camera panned in on eyes while he turned the Sharingan on.

"Then get Sharingan eyewear. …The best eyewear, _anywhere_." he said softly. The scene ended with him walking though snow in the forest. A gust of wind played with his hair and Itachi gave the camera some more theater expressions. Someone whispered 'Sharingan…' and the next commercial started to play.

**_.-XoX-._**

"That was great Itachi! exclaimed Ino. Kiba nodded while Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"It looked more like a perfume commercial…"

"Foolish brother. You're such a hater."

_**  
Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

"How about someone provide us with some entertainment!" hollered Kiba.

"I don't care. Do whatever." said Itachi nonchalantly.

"Let's play a game!" yelled Tobi from the facial station. "Tobi wants to play a game!" He flailed his arms around for emphasis.

"How about a competition?" suggested Kisame, putting up some dye. "Oh by the way Sasuke, tell Sakura that her pink hair dye came in yesterday." Sasuke smacked his forehead.

"Dude, that was supposed to be secret!" Kisame gave him a sheepish look and scratched his forehead.

"Oh…my bad."

"Hey, a competition sounds okay." said Neji. "What do you think Uchiha?"

"Sure--" started Sasuke, but Tenten cut him off.

"No more freakin' DDR!"

"Who said we we're talking about DDR!?"

"It was a safe assumption!"

"Hardly--!"

"You guys stop arguing," interrupted Hinata "…but I have an idea! How does a rap battle between you two sound? That would be interesting, ne? Geniuses going head to head…" The prodigies exchanged glances. Sasuke whispered in Neji ear. They nodded at each other.

"We're game. But it has to be us on a team against someone else. And what's the prize?" asked Neji. Hinata scratched her head.

"I don't know…"

"How about a whole month of free manicures?" input Itachi. Sasuke glared.

"I don't think so." Itachi thought for another moment.

"I'll get you both the new Supernova DDR game if you win." Neji and Sasuke's eyes lit up.

"Now you're talking."

_**  
Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

Our beloved prodigies went into the back room to practice, the beat blaring though the closed door.

"Could you tell them to quiet it down a bit!" yelled Tenten to Kiba.

"What!?"

"COULD YOU TELL THEM TO QUIET IT DOWN A BIT?!"

"COULD I TELL THEM TO WHAT?!"

"TO TURN THE STEREO DOWN!?"

"TO BE A RODEO CLOWN?"

"UGH--!"

Tenten, at her wits end, stomped into the room and pulled out the plug. Neji and Sasuke started at her incredulously, but she exited before they could retort.

The front entrance opened with an angry Kankuro clutching his ears and Gaara trailing beside him, unfazed. Kankuro cupped his mouth with his hands.

"What the hell is going on in here?! You've driving away customers with that loud music Itachi!" The Uchiha rolled his eyes.

"You know...you can stop shouting. The music is off..." said Itachi flatly. "And since when did you have customers?" Kankuro ignored that last sentence.

"I knew I shouldn't have set up my puppet shop next to you. Uchiha's are nothing put trouble." he said, shaking his head. "What was the music back there for anyways?"

"Sasuke and Neji are preparing for a rap battle." said Deidara, plugging in his hair iron.

"Against who?" asked Kankuro. Ino shrugged.

"We don't know yet…"

"Well when you find someone, just knock next door. I want to see…" said the puppet master, on his way out. "Come on brother…"

"Itachi…" said Gaara. "I have someone who would rival your brother and the Hyuuga. Would you mind if I called him here?" Itachi raised an elegant eyebrow.

"Is that so? Go ahead, I don't mind."

"Good." said the sand sibling, opening his cell phone. "but be warned…he is not an amateur."

_**  
Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

"Please tell me you're joking." said Sasuke, looking at what Gaara brought though the door.

"Do I look like the type who jokes around?" asked Gaara. Sasuke and Neji looked at each other.

"We're not doing it." said Neji.

"Why not?"

"So we can keep our reputation and not become an insane fucker like you! We are not rapping against some silly vacuum cleaner!" Gaara sighed.

"I knew you'd underestimate Vroomer--"

"Gaara…." said Itachi slowly. "I thought you said you called someone, not something."

"Hn…"

_**  
Oo0x0oO.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.Oo0x0oO  
**_

After 45 minutes of persuasion and coaxing, the boys decided to do it just to get it over with. It's not like they would lose…right?

"Alright boys, lets get down to business." said Ino, flipping a coin. "Heads or tails?"

"Heads." said Sasuke. Ino opened her hand. "It's heads. So, the prodigies are first!" The crowd cheered.

"Hold the hell up. When did so many people get in here?!" asked Neji, frowning.

"Well, when it got around that Konoha's most prestigious ninja's we're rapping against a vacuum cleaner, citizens came a-flockin'." answered Ino. Neji sighed.

"Ugh fine…lets just do this…"

"Okay everyone!" said Ino though the microphone. "It's The Prodigies vs. Vroomer 2.0! You guys ready?!" More people cheered.

"Alright then! DJ Hiashi-Hizzle! Drop the ill beat!"

Hiashi sighed and put the CD in. Sasuke did a gangsterific handshake with Neji while Gaara plugged Vroomer 2.0 in.

"Bring it carpet muncher."

**"Vrooom!"**

Ino held out the microphone.

"…You have 30 seconds! Begin!"

"That's all?"

"Stop wasting time!"

"Fine fine…." Sasuke took the mic and turned his new hat backward.

Check it.  
No need for intros, you already know my name.  
Uchiha. Sasuke. It's my claim to fame.  
Yeah, I'm a prodigy,  
Powers like mythology,  
Can't defend a cursed seal?  
Then don't even bother me.

Up for a surprise?  
Look into my eyes.  
Last thing you'll ever see,  
Cause the next flash you die.

Can't help it, I'm simply too fly.  
Just the sight of me,  
Makes my fangirls sigh.  
When I married Sakura,  
They thought of suicide.  
And plotted her murder,  
Every time she walked by.

My fire is amazing,  
Sharingan comes a'blazin'  
I always hit my target,  
While you stay chewing carpet.  
Sorry that's the truth,  
Someone had to break it to ya.  
Now let me pass it over,  
To my boy N. Hyuuga.

-cheers-

"Oooo…"

"That was great Sasuke-kun! You rock!" screamed a random generic fangirl from the crowd. Ino took the mic. "Alright Neji, you have 30 seconds!"

"You can do it Neji!" yelled Tenten from the front. Neji just smirked and took the microphone. The beat started up again.

Check it….  
Sorry fangirls,  
Maybe next time.  
Cause fate decided I'm,  
Too cool 'spit a rhyme.

-screams-

"So…is that it Neji?" asked Ino uncertainly. "I mean…that was barely five seconds…" Neji chuckled.

"I'm prodigy remember. Five seconds is all I need." Ino resisted from rolling her eyes.

"Right…Anyways! Give it up for the Prodigies!" The crowd went crazy once more.

"Now for the retribution! Vroomer! Your up!"

_**  
O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

Next chapter _--Vroomers Retaliation--_

-Preview-

_(Vrooom! Rrooooommm! Vooom!)_

**My rhymes are ill,**

_(Vooom! Rooom! Vrrooom!) _

**Riveled by none.**

_(Voom! Vrroooom!)_

**I would say yo mama, **

_(Rooom! Vooom!)_

**But you don't have one.**

"Got damnit, thanks a lot Itachi!"

"Hn…"

**_.-XoX-._**

Okay, insanely late update. My extreme apologies. I wanted to get this out so soon, I haven't even let my beta look at it yet. (if there are mistakes, feel free to point them out in a review or PM) I usually update every three weeks, but **Think Outside The Bun** took it's place. But, go read it anyways, even if you resent it? The next update will be sooner than three weeks. Lol. Thanks for reading. If you read this A/N, put 'My eggs killed my toaster last Monday' in your review! There's a sort-of-kind-of prize if you do it!

P.S: Go read Chibi Shino's new one-shot Pregnant ABC's. It's shweet!

P.S.S: Is anyone watching America's Best Dance Crew Finale tonight? ...Goooo Jabba's!

-j


	4. The Hyuuga's: Vroomer Retaliation

**A/N:** Grr, I've got to stop publishing due dates…Bleck. Anyways, those four special people who actually put the phrase from last chapter in their review, (wasn't something about eggs and toasters?)…check my profile.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering about my avi, it's cause I had surgery yesterday.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Wow, I really am all out of witty disclaimers. Erm…just know that Naruto isn't mine.

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**_

"Okay, this is all fine and dandy…but I thought you two were angry at each other." said Temari, clearly confused. As interesting as their story was, didn't they need…counseling?

Neji growled. "Oh, we're pissed at each other, don't worry. I was getting to that part…"

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**_

"_So…is that it Neji?" asked Ino uncertainly. "I mean…that was barely five seconds…" Neji chuckled._

"_I'm prodigy remember. Five seconds is all I need." Ino resisted from rolling her eyes._

"_Now for the retribution! Vroomer! Your up!"_

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"Give it up for The Prodigies one more time!" yelled Ino into the microphone. The crowded was excited and the air was buzzing with anticipation.

"Okaaaaaay! Next, we have a challenger whom we know little about. His name is Vroomer 2.0 and he's the brave candidate who's aiming to take The Prodigies head on!" hyped Ino. Vroomer rolled into the center of the circle and Gaara plugged him in.

"Oh wow, he must a new model…" someone gossiped.

"Yeah, I saw one in Aburame Appliances a couple days ago…"

"KYAAA! He's sooo HAWT!--"

"Dude, are you taping this?" A guy in the crowd zoomed in his video camera.

"Yeah man, I'm gonna score so many views on Youtube!"

"Vroomer," said Ino, placing the cord behind him. "You have 30 seconds, okay? Good luck! DJ Hiashi Hizzle! Drop the beat!"

Once again Hiashi sighed, thinking of 1000 different ways his time could be better spent.

"Begin!"

(Vrooom! Rrooooommm! Vooom!)

_I came from the factory,  
__on East Street.  
__A true G.  
__You turn me on,  
__I doubt that you can take me._

(Roooom! Voooommm! Vrooooom!)

_You say you're prodigies?  
__I shouldn't even,  
__give you a chance.  
__After all, you need arrows,  
__to know how to dance._

-Vroomer turns towards Sasuke-

_My rhymes stay the illest,  
__Rivaled by none.  
__I would say 'yo mama'  
__But you don't have one!_

"Goddamit, thanks a lot Itachi!"

"Hn…"

-Vroomer turns towards Neji-

_It's about time,  
__You get your hair clipped.  
__Hasn't anyone said,  
__You look like Orochimaru's bitch?_

"Hn…"

(Vrrrrrooom! Rooom!)

_You call this a battle?  
__I call it 'Tag Teaming'  
__You think that you can beat me?  
__You must be pipe dreaming._

(Vrroooom! Voooom! Roooom!)

_Your eyelimits are trash--"_

"TIME!" exclaimed Ino. The crowd groaned because they wanted him to finish. "Sorry Vroomer, but your 30 second limit is over." Vroomer lowered his handle to show he understood.

"Show your love once more for the Vroomer 2.0!" said the hostess. People cheered once more.

"Now, to determine the winner…" started Ino. The crowd hushed itself. "Everyone take one of these slips of paper and write who you want to win. Once you're done, place it in this box on your way out. …Thanks for coming! If you have a few minutes to spare, maybe you can stay to receive a perm or a manicure!" Squeals emitted from the crowd. "The winner will be announced tonight on the five o'clock news. Take care!" All of the males in the crowd besides Gaara and a handful of women who didn't care about their appearances dropped their vote and left. The majority of the women stayed and started fawning around Itachi, Tobi and Deidara, trying to get their services from the handsome males. Shino, Kisame and Kiba were helping Neji and Sasuke hide from their own dieheart fangirls.

"Now now ladies," said Itachi prying a fangirl off his arm. "I only have so much nail polish…"

_**O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o**0O**_

**_"_**Hey you guys! The food and cake is here!" yelled Kisame from the front.

Tenten hopped from under the hairdryer and helped Hinata and Ino set the tables of food. The fangirls reserved a table for themselves as they set to work on their life-sized plushies of Itachi, Sasuke, Tobi, Neji and Deidara. Sasuke and Neji crawled from whatever hole they were hiding in and join their friends at the table near the back. Everyone started to grab for their favorite dishes and chat.

"Hey Kisame, you wanna try this shark meat? It's really good!" said Hinata pushing the dish toward him. Kisame looked faint.

"COUSIN!"

"Oops…" said Hinata apologetically. "Sorry…"

"I'm bored again…" complained Kiba. Hinata just sighed. "Yeah, I kinda am too. We can always play another game! How about…let's try and make Itachi blush!"

Ino and Tenten started to giggle. "Go for it!" said Kiba.

Itachi sighed. "I don't know how to blush. Sexual innuendos don't illicit any kind of reaction for me."

"We'll see," said Neji, smirking. "...Question one. When did you lose your virginity?"

"Hmm…" said Itachi, stroking his chin. "I think it was when I was six."

Anyone who was chewing food proceeded to have coughing fits.

"WHAT?" asked Sasuke, astounded. Itachi just gave him a bored look.

"Yes Sasuke, six. You know. That cool number in between 5 and 7. Yeah."

"I know what six is--!"

"Well crap, thanks for crashing our game." pouted Kiba. "How can we make someone who lost their virginity before they hit puberty blush at all? Don't tell that to anyone or you'll never get married…" Itachi smirked.

"Well that was fun. Anyways Kiba, that brings me to an announcement I need to make…" He tapped his wine glass three times and cleared his throat.

"I guess now would be as good a time as ever to tell them pumpkin," said Itachi to Ino. She nodded and took his hand. "I suppose you're right. Keep your voice down, we wouldn't want a fangirl to hear…"

"Right…" He paused. "Well, I've asked for Ino's hand in marriage and she's accepted!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Wow…" said Tenten, amazed. "I didn't even know you two were dating! Well, congratulations!"

"Oooh! I pick the bridesmaid dresses!" squealed Hinata. Ino smiled. "Sure, but the flowers we've arranged are violets so they have to be purple…" Tenten, Ino and Hinata stayed in their own little world while the rest of the males were too stunned to speak.

"Umm, hello?" said Itachi waving his hand in everyone's face. "Where's my congrats?"

"Oh, sorry…" said Kiba. "It's just that…wow…you and Ino huh?"

"Congratulations Ita-san!" said Tobi. Shino just gave a solemn nod.

"Yeah congrats, un," said Deidara. "Want me to mold some clay figures for the big day?"

"That would be nice, thanks--"

"Um NO!" said Sasuke. His brother raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry Itachi, for an Uchiha to marry a women and produce heirs by said female…there's a fucking _intelligence_ requirement for her! We can't have retard Uchihas' running around!" Itachi frowned.

"Are you calling my fiancé stupid?"

"Yes--"

"Well _excuse_ me for not being a prodigy!" said Ino who was eavesdropping on their conversation.

"You're excused." yawned Sasuke. "Hn…how about this blonde…" He took out a piece of paper and drew a happy face on one side and sad face on the other. "Every time you act smart, I'll put a tally mark on this side," Sasuke pointed to the 'happy' face. "However, every time you say something stupid, I'll put a tally mark the other side. Sound fair? And if your happy tally outnumbers your sad tally by the end of the day then maybe I might consent this marriage." Sasuke looked smug while Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Very good Sasuke, you get three clever points, but why the hell do I need your permission to get married?" Sasuke's smirk widened.

"It's your own fault! It's Uchiha tradition to have the father and uncle sign the marriage witness and consent document! But since _somebody_ killed them, guess who that responsibility falls on?" Itachi groaned.

"I forgot about that…damn…Ino…just…be really smart today so my prick of a brother Sasuke will let us wed, okay?"

"You can count on me!" exclaimed Ino, giving her fiancé a teasing salute.

"Actually Sasuke, I'm surprised at your hypocrisy. You're not exactly the smartest one out of the two of us. What right do you have to dictate whether Ino is intelligent or not?" said Itachi.

"What do you mean? You think you're wiser than I am?"

"Not think, knows. I'm older, so by definition I'm wiser."

"Oh really?" said Sasuke in a challenging tone. "Say something wise."

"Sure. Hmm...The duck's fur rumbles as the nightingale's serenity seeps though her playground." said Itachi in a low velvety voice.

"Oh god, an English major…"

"That…was so beautiful…" choked out Tenten, wiping her eyes.

"You're kidding right? That was total shit!" cried Sasuke, obviously not impressed.

"Shit? What is shit, not but a word to inflict upon others for their woes to be intensified…" continued Itachi.

"Preach it." said Hinata. Sasuke just shook his head.

"No, shit is the utter garbage coming out of your mouth! I've read wiser crap in fortune cookies! You're crazy…"

"Hn…"

"While were on the subject of crazy…" started Kiba, taking another swing of sake. "I was wondering...why _did _you kill your clan if you don't mind me asking Itachi..." Sasuke snorted.

"Itachi got wasted on some dry-erase markers when he was 13. So in his intoxicated state, he ran around the Uchiha compound and started slaying everyone in sight because he thought they were gumdrop vampires trying to bite him."

"…"

"It's so freakin funny, but I can't bring myself to laugh…" said Neji, sadly.

"Wait...so why didn't he kill you Sasuke?" asked Tenten. Sasuke shifted in his seat.

"Because…hethoughtiwashisimaginarychickenfriendjill OKAY!"

"…"

"What was that?" smirked Neji, knowing perfectly well what Sasuke just said, since he was a genius and all.

"Don't make me repeat myself Hyuuga." said Sasuke in a deadly tone.

"Hn…"

"So I'm guessing you two had a pretty messed up childhood…" said Hinata, sipping on some tea. Itachi shrugged.

"Not really…but contrary to popular belief, Sasuke was the emo in the family _before_ I killed our clan…" Everyone shared surprised looks.

"That's not true!" yelled Sasuke. "…wait a minute; I'm not an emo _now_!"

"You aren't?" asked Gaara, petting his chia-pet Choby silently. "Oh, by the way, Deidara, can you give Choby a perm, I can't manage his fro' much longer…" Deidara blinked.

"I-I don't k-know if I can give it a perm, I've never done a plant before…" Gaara frowned.

"He isn't an 'it'! He's a he!" cried the sand sibling. "And if you call your self a hair stylist and you don't even know how to perm leaves, you more pointless in this fanfic then you were in the anime--!"

"Ignore him…" said Tenten. "Anyways, what's this about Sasuke being emo before the massacre?"

"It's simply the truth." said Itachi, ignoring his brother's outburst. "Oh shut up, don't act like you don't remember _'My black comforter comforts me in my time of depressing slumber…'_ Everyone sitting at the table snickered.

"Well…" started Sasuke, going into defense mode "You used to leave pee on the toilet seats!"

"Lies."

"And you used to play with action figures!"

"…This is bad why?"

"Because you ripped off their heads and made collages on the weekends!"

"Oh I forgot about that habit…" said Itachi. "Well, you got me there…but YOU used to obsess over that stupid Ninja Info Card game. Actually…" Itachi reached into Sasuke's pocket and pulled out a shiny card. "you still do…"

"Give that back nii-san!" yelled Sasuke, jumping in the air to get the card from Itachi, who was baiting it over his head. "Do you know what I had to do to get that from Naruto's son?"

….XxX….

_--Meanwhile, 10 miles away--_

"Uncle Sasuke! I don't like this game! GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID CLOSET!"

….XxX….

Tenten watched the brothers' feud with mild interest. "This is almost cute…almost." she said. Finally Sasuke snatched it back.

He looked on the table and saw there was only one ice cream sandwich left, and Ino was the only one who hadn't had one yet. Suddenly feeling guilty about his earlier comments, he decided to offer it to her.

"Ino…have you tried this ice cream thing? Want the last one?" said Sasuke innocently. Ino glared at him with mistrust.

"This isn't a question to determine my intelligence is it?"

"No...I was just wondering if you wanted it…" Suddenly Ino brightened up.

"Thanks for asking! But, no thank you, I can't eat milk or ice cream…I'm a vegetarian." Sasuke eyed her peculiarly.

"Don't you mean _'lactose intolerant'_?"

"What's toast got to do with anything?"

"…"

Itachi smacked his forehead while Sasuke smirked and put three tally marks on the 'frowny' side of the piece of paper.

"You're screwed Itachi…"

O0o0o0x0o0o0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0o0o0x0o0o0O

After everyone cleaned up, the fangirls gave their plushies to their appropriate owners and returned home. A long haired man entered right afterwards.

"Oh hey Orochimaru, what's up?" said Itachi, redoing his own nails. "Come for another perm?" Orochimaru licked his lips

"Yes…"

"So...you want any highlights? Kisame got some new dye today." said Deidara. Orochimaru nodded.

"Yes that would be preferable, I want my dull black to be even darker…"

"Curls or no curls?"

"No curls, I have a mass murder coming up soon and I need to look as intimidating as possible…" he explained. Deidara nodded and put his curling iron away.

"So...Sasuke," started Itachi. "…I've heard that my nephew Shiro-kun is using the Sharingan at the age of 8, just like me. …Can I take him under my wing? Teach him my ways and maybe a few jutsus?" asked Itachi. Sasuke looked at him like he was insane.

"So I can wake up dead, slain by my own son? No way, me and Sakura swore to never have that Worse Case Scenario happen…" Itachi frowned while Sasuke gave him a look the showed he clearly didn't care. There was a soft 'ding!' and Tenten came from under the dryer.

"Ta Da! Like my new look?" She did a little twirl. Her hair was in buns like usual, except they were shiny.

Neji frowned at Tenten's 'new' hair style.

"Tenten, can you get something different? You've had your hair in those buns since you were like, four."

"Well I like uniformity," spat Tenten. "Why don't you cut your hair, 'Orochimaru's Bitch'" The salon started to chuckle.

"If you ask me, I think it looks fine the way it is Neji," said Itachi. Tenten rolled her eyes.

"Good thing no one asked you…" she grumbled.

"Hn..."

"Get a new catch phrase!"

"Aa."

"Tenten, you always get so riled up over nothing…" said Neji, crossing his arms. Tenten glared.

"No, it's just you people piss me off. You, sitting over here like some kind of god!" She turned toward Itachi "...and Mister Uchiha here acting like he doesn't have any home training, getting into people business. What? Didn't mother Uchiha teach you any manners before you snapped her pretty little neck--?"

"Oh no, don't be talking to my man like that!" said Ino taking her earrings off.

"What you gonna do about it blonde?"

"Oh no…" said Neji.

"OH YEAH!" yelled Kiba.

Let the bloodshed induce.

O0o0o0x0o0o0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0o0o0x0o0o0O

A/N: Another filler chapter. Next chapter we'll finally get to the root of Neji and Tenten's problem, and find out the winner of the rap-off! Who do you want to win? Who do you think should win? Vote now in a review! Also, I included a reference to one of my other stories. Can you find it? Thanks for reading! And as always, check out my other fics. D

-JayleeJ


	5. The Closing Time Solution

**A/N:**Yes, I know, retardedly late update, for that I'm sorry but this summer has been extremely hectic for me, I got half my stuff stolen and NOW I just got my cell phone stolen, my grandfather died, I just came from having pink eye and one hundred other stuff going on.

News on my contest is IN the chapter, so read. xD  
Also I highly recommend re-reading chapter four or some stuff won't make sense.

**Enjoy!**

_Jaylen._

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O  
**_

Temari sighed.

"Again, this is indeed a wonderful story…" she said, stretching. "…but where's the issue?"

Tenten started to cry.

"Here were go again…" said Neji rolling his eyes.

"I think…I think…" started Tenten, sobbing.

"Go on." encouraged Temari, patting Tenten on the back.

"I think…" started Tenten again. "…Neji's cheating on me!"

"With who?" asked Temari, confused.

"VROOMER!!"

"What?!"

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O  
**_

"Neji! Back me up! Or are you just gonna bail with Sasuke like you did in Chapter 1 and play DDR?!" yelled Tenten. Neji rolled his eyes and sighed.

"…Believe me, if that was an option I would…"

"There's no need in bring Byakugan boy in this!" exclaimed Ino. "This is between you and me, and how you think you can talk to anyone, including my _fiancé_, any which way!"

"Just a quick question here…" intervened Neji, frowning. "…why can't you people just call me by my…oh I don't know…my given name! Not Orochimaru's bitch, not Byakugan boy, but NEJI. NEJI HYUUGA…"

But sadly Byaku…Neji was ignored.

"I can talk to anyone how ever I want to!" shouted Tenten to Ino. "This is a free village. And none of you're half-brain blonde arguments are going to change my mind! …unless you do that shitty mind-transfer jutsu on me--"

"_Shintenshin no Jut--"_

"_HEY!_ Break it up ladies!…the five o'clock news is coming on!" yelled Sasuke pointing to the T.V. He turned the volume up.

"Hello citizens of Konoha. I'm JayleeJ of Wavy News Crew 10. Our first story is about the recent victory in enemy Sound Village. We've just received word that Orochimaru's base had been infiltrated. Be sure to congradulate our tired soldiers on their way back home for a job well--"

"Fuck…" cursed Orochimaru, standing abruptly out of Deidara's chair. "Damn Kabuto can't handle shit with out me. I gotta go, Itachi, just put the hair bill on my tab...see you guys later…"

"See you." said Itachi. Everyone else just murmmered their goodbyes and Sasuke turned the volume up again.

"…Even though the rain village is now unable to receive rain, the clouds overhead still remain dark. The new name of the village is The Hidden Village of Overcast…"

"Haha, that's pretty gay.." commented Kiba. Everyone shushed him and returned their stares to the T.V.

"In recent news, the Taco Bell that was once havoked by killer puppets, is now in back in business--" Gaara and Kankuro looked away guiltily. "--also, they have a new entrée called the Neato Burrito, a burrito packed with three different kinds of cheeses and meats. A new meal for Taco Bell's new beginning. Go try it!"

"That does sound pretty neat." commented Sasuke off-handedly. Almost evereyone nodded in agreement.

"Hey!" excalimed Kiba. "Why don't you guys shush him?!"

"Shut up. We like Sasuke."

"….the new pop sensation 'Sound Five' and their upcoming concert in Konoha Hall. Many teenagers are indeed excited. Let's go to Shizune for the inside story…" The camera switched views.

"Thanks Jay. " Shizune put Tonton down. "Yes, here in Konoha Hall, teenagers from all across the village are arriving for the concert, which doesn't start for another four hours. Talk about getting ahead of the game!"

"Oh, I love that band!" said Kiba.

"Kiba, were trying to hear!" said whispred Ino harshly. Kiba rolled his eyes

"It's just the news…geez…" He returned his attention back to the television.

Jaylee laughed automatically. "Yes yes…kids these days…Anyways, in other news, a battle of epic proportions went down this afternoon at the Akatsuki, a popular salon in downtown Konoha. Two of the hidden leafs most elite ninja Sasuke Uchiha and Neji Hyuuga were took part in a rap-battle against a vacuum cleaner named Vroomer 2.0. The spectators votes have been brought to the station and tallied. The votes were very very close. But the winner--"

"Damn, I wonder who won…" interrupted Kiba.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP DOG BRAIN!"

"YELLING WONT MAKING YOU HEAR ANY BETTER INO!"

"…by a small margin, 49 votes to 52, is Vroomer 2.0. Congratulations Voomer, you deserve it!"

Vroomer, who no one knew was still in the shop came from a corner and vacuumed up all the hair off the salon floor in glee. Sasuke cured violently while Neji looked like he could care less.

"Sucks…" mummored Neji, yawning. "But I guess you can't win em all…"

"Sasuke you are indeed a failure as a brother--"

"SHUT THE HELL UP ITACHI!"

"Hn..."

"In other news…" continued Jaylee, looking at her papers. "My 'Think Outside The Bun Contest' is coming to a close. If you don't see your entry on my profile, please PM me again. I am giving everyone one week from this update for readers to at least tell me they are going to enter. After that, entry closes and judging will begin. The prizes haven't been decided yet. Any questions, please feel free to PM me. Thanks a lot to all 9 people who's entered so far!"

"Okay…" said Sasuke, turning off the TV. "Moving on...Ino…what the hell are you doing?" Ino ignored Sasuke and continued to stare at the orange juice bottle on the table. Itachi moved behind her and placed a hand on his finacee's shoulder.

"Honey, what're you doing?"

"Following….instructions…must…focus…."

"What?" asked Sasuke, perplexed. "Instructions?" Ino nodded.

"The orange juice box…says…concentrate…must…comply…"

"Concen--oh." Itachi promptly removed the orange juice carton and threw it in the trash.

"Hey!" exclaimed Ino, pouting. "Can't you see I was concentrating on that!?"

Itachi sighed. "Ino 'concenrate' is refering to the nature of the juice in the carton, not instruction to actually do so…"

"Oh…"

Sasuke took out the piece of paper with the happy and sad faces and shook his head, while Shino walked to a shelf wih green bowls and picked one up.

"Itachi…?" Itachi looked up from his work.

"Hn?"

Shino picked up another bowl. "What are these for?"

"The bowls?" Itachi chuckled "...Those are for Rock Lee and Gai's haircuts."

"Really?" inquired Tenten "…Where are they anyways?"

"Probably training." supplied Neji. "Where Haruno, Naruto, Shikamaru and Choji are, I have no idea."

"I don't know where Forehead and Uzumaki are." said Ino. "Naruto especially needs to be home since he's the Hokage. However, I know Shikamaru and Choji are doing some _troublesome_ toaster shopping with Miss Nara-san."

Hinata yawned. "Naruto? He does this all the time." she said, shrugging. "He'll disappear for a couple days at a time, doing whatever pointless thing he deems nessecary. Last time it was a experiment to make a ghost a mammal, so who _knows_ what it is this time. And I think Sakura probably got assigned a mission."

"Mission my ass." said Kiba. "I bet their off screwing each other, mark my words." Sasuke snorted.

"My bitch knows better." Every woman proceded to glare at Sasuke while he just rolled his eyes.

"Hey, don't get mad at me. It's tru--"

"Fuck!" said Neji, slipping and falling to the floor ungracefully. He cursed again. "Where the hell did this bowl of salad come from?"

"Ooops." said Tenten, helping her husband up. "I put my salad on the floor for a moment so I wouldn't have to hold it." Once Neji got to his feet, Tenten gingerly manuvered her hands on Neji's back. He winced.

"Neji, I need for you to take off your shirt." Neji spared his a wife a glance.

"Excuse me?"

"I need to see if there's a bruise on your back." explained Tenten, cleaning the salad. "Come on."

Neji sighed and did as he was told. On the both smalls of his back were two ugly-looking black and blue spots.

"I thought so." said Tenten, still examining Neji's back. "Go in the bathroom and wet a few paper towels with hot water."

"I'm fi--"

"_Now_."

"But--"

"Neji-Roger-Edmund-Hyuuga--you go in that bathroom right now!"

". . ."

". . ."

Neji pouted. "Fine--"

Sasuke and Kiba exchanged glances.

"I guess we know who wears the pants in _your_ relationship Hyuuga." said Sasuke smirking.

Kiba pointed rudely. "Dude, she has you whipped! Is Tenten your wife or your _mom_?" They started to laugh while Neji scowled.

"Go fuck yourselves." he spat. "Better yet, go fuck each other." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Whatever man. At least I can controll my bit--" Hinata turned her byagukan on and glared, while Tenten twirled her kunai maliciously. "--my _wife._"

"At any rate, you have to wait, Hyuuga." said Gaara, fixing his eyeliner in the mirror. "Vroomer is using the bathroom."

Neji snorted."Whatever. All I need to use is the sink for a moment…not like he's an actual person with genitals…" Neji proceded to to back of the salon, while Sasuke shyly approached his older brother.

"Itachi…since me and Neji...um…yeah…does that mean we don't get DDR Supernova 2?" he asked, his head hanging low. Itachi smirked.

"Since you lost miserably againt a vaccum cleaner, no, you do not little brother. Neither does the Hyuu--" A loud groan came from the bathroom.

"What's going on back there…" asked Kisame to Deidara. More groaning and loud noises came.

**O**_oxo_**O**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...In The Bathroom….-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**O**_o_x_o_**O**

"OKAY! I'm sorry for walking in on you! JUST STOP ATTACKING ME!" shouted Neji.

"VROOOM!!"

'_You don't walk in on your friends do you?! Why should I__ be any different you gay bitch--!"_

**O**_o_x_o_**O**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-...In The Salon….-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**O**_o_x_o_**O**

"I'll go back there…" grumbled Tenten. She proceded towards the bathroom and opened the door.

"Oh…my god!"

On the floor was Neji with Vroomer on top of him. All over his body were red blotchy marks.

"It's not what it looks like Tenten!" yelled Neji.

"Then what is it!?" yelled Tenten. "Because from up here it looks like there's about 20 hickies all over you!…"

Tenten ran out of the bathroom and out of the salon. Sasuke watched her hysterical escape and went to the bathroom himself.

"What's going on--are those _hickies_ on your back Neji? What the fuck? Just what the hell were you doing back here?"

"No you fucktard," spat Neji, getting up "…but Tenten seemed to think so. Gaara, contorl your fucking electronics!"

"Did I or did I not warn you?"

Sasuke laughed. "Good luck with that. Well…I'll just leave you and you lover alone.--"

"FUCK YOU!"

Sasuke laughed again.

"And I'M the emo?"

"Hmm.." said Itachi to Deidara. "I think it's closing time."

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

"Okay…disregarding the fact that this is indeed strangest case I've ever had, I should have a solution for you in a day. Please, Tenten, don't kill Neji in the meantime, this is just a misunderstanding. Really, do you think Neji would cheat on you with a vacuum cleaner?"

"N-no…" hiccuped Tenten, wiping her eyes.

"Right." said Temari. "However, there are some other problems that need to be addressed, and I will do so tomorrow."

"Okay." said Neji, standing up. "See you later Temari-san." Neji and Tenten took their leave.

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

About five mintues later, there was another knock on the door.

"GO AWAY GARRA!"

"Uhhh…"

"Oh, sorry, please, come in." said Temari, praying it wasn't her boss.

The door opened and in walked Ino and Itachi hand and hand.

"This is a pleasant surprise. I don't think you two have an appointment…"

"I know." said Itachi sitting down. "But we have an emergency. Me and Ino…"

"--want to get married but can't cause you need Sasuke's permission." finished Temari, smirking.

Itachi raised his eyebrows. "Your reputation indeed follows you."

Temari laughed. "No, Neji and Tenten Hyuuga already told me about the story. …but what can I do?"

"Well, as you probably already heard, the chances of Sasuke letting me and Ino wed are very slim. We need a solution."

"Please help us Teamri-san." pleaded Ino. "Me and Itachi love each other very much. He loves me even though I'm not really all the smart and helps me understand the world. I love him even though he's a mass murderer and I make his red and black world a little happier. He's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." said Ino.

"Awwww." cooed Temari. "I'll try. Umm…Ino, have you tried your Mind-Switching jutsu and MAKE Sasuke let you wed?"

"Tried it." said Itachi. "Though my brother is a fool, he is also a skillful ninja. He forced Ino out of his head in mere seconds."

"Darn." said Temari, scrathing her head. "Well… if you love each other enough…why don't you run away?"

"Run away?" repeated Ino, frowning. "Where to? And Itachi just can't leave his salon!--"

"If I have to, I will." said Itachi firmly. "I can always start a new one. I'm sure Deidara, Kisame and Tobi will come with us wherever we go and help me create a better one."

"Then…maybe that's the only option…but where?"

Temari smiled. "I heard the Hidden Village of Overcast is pretty nice this year…"

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

_One Day Later._

The Uchiha's, The Uzumaki's and the Hyuuga's all entered Temari's office and sat down.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Sasuke, frowning. "When you told me and Sakura to come back here 'in a few days' I was under the impression we would be here _alone."_

"Yeah, I aborted my mission for this!" said Sakura, frowning.

"I agree." said Neji. Tenten nodded.

"Yeah, what's the deal Temari-san?" asked Naruto scratching his head. "I didn't come back home early from my Jelleguin convention for a session shared with _other people_." Hinata frowned.

"Jelleguin convention?"

"Yeah." said Naruto. "It's a convention dedicated to the crossbreeding between jellyfish and penguins. It was very--"

"I thought I told you no more jellyfish business!"

"Yeah, I know..." said Naruto sulking. "But this is _Jelleguin_ business, not jellyfish business!"

"_Naruto_--!"

"But it's something I enjoy Hinata! Please don't take this convention away from me. …I was having such a good time…"said Naruo wistfully. Sasuke snorted.

"Yeah, I'm sure all four of you had a fantastic time fuckng with nature, but no one cares--"

"For your information bastard, there were _six_ of there not four, next year I bet a whole 'nother two people will come! Believe it!" said Naruto standing up. Sasuke shook his head.

"Jellyfish and Penguins? Who the hell is even interested in unnatural stuff like that except a weirdo like you?"

"Unnatural? You wanna know what's unnatural? Your hair that's what!" insulted Naruto, smirking at his 'clever' comeback.

"Your _breath_ is unnatural." countered Sasuke. "Jeez dobe, lets keep the 'five feet minimum' rule alive, hmm?"

"I should--"

"ENOUGH!" said Temari, standing up. "I did _not_ call you all here to fight. You're all here for a solution. Do you want to hear it or not? The sooner we get this out of the way, the sooner I--I mean you all can get back to life. Okay?" Naruto sent one last glare to Sasuke and sat back down.

"Okay. Good." Temari shuffled her papers and cleared her throat.

"After careful deliberation of each scnario you each presented me, I have figured out the problem for all of you, which happens to be the exact same…"

"So…what is it?" asked Hinata.

Temari sighed.

"Everything is simply Tenten's fault."

Everyone in the room gasped.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Tenten, standing up.

Sakura shook her head. "I knew it was that bitch's fault--"

Tenten glared venomously. "I am NOT in the mood for your shit Haruro." she hissed, opening her weapons pouch. "One more crack like that and I _will_ impale your neck with a rusty kunai--"

"Calm down!" said Temari. "Let me at least explain." Tenten paused and sat down, crossing her arms. Temari continued.

"I went over each case over and over again and found one common denominator. Besides the fact that each of you have almost no respect for each other, I also found something else in each case."

"What?" asked Neji.

"Your wife's salad. I support your theory that the salad is evil Neji." There was a long slience.

"We told you bitches. WE TOLD YOU!" said Sasuke, pointing dramatically. "But _nooooo.'_ Me and Neji _are stupid_.' 'Me and Neji _are paranoid_.' Sound familiar? WHAT NOW, HUH?! We said that shit was demonic but everyone looked a us like we were the result of incest or something!"

"Now wait just a darn minute." said Naruto frowning. "I didn't pay you to tell me that me and my wifes issues are the result of a salad! How retarded do you think we are?"

"First of all--" said Temari. "You never paid me at all Naruto. How could I charge the Hokage?"

"Oh right, I forgot…"

"Second of all, would you all please just let me explain?!" Everyone simmered down for her to continue.

"If you think about it, bad things didn't start to happen until the salad came in to play…"

"What?" said Sasuke.

"Well accorrding to my notes, which are correct, what I say is true." stated Temari. "For example, you and Sakura…"

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

Flashback numero uno.

-Uchiha's-

"_Guys! It's time to come eat!" yelled Sakura from the kitchen. The prodigies came from the family room and sat down with their wives. Sakura passed the bowl around._

"_Wow Sakura! You made this really well…except you forgot the salt. But no biggie, it's a common mistake…" said Tenten, eating._

"_Well, you never wrote down 'salt' on the recipe, so I didn't add it…"_

"_Haha. How could I forget my own recipe! You probably just over looked it."_

"_No you just didn't add it." said Sakura irritably._

"_Oh Haruno calm down, stop being so childish…"_

"_Childish? You know what's childish? Your husband cheating my Sasuke just now! He was totally using the Byagukan on those 10-footers!" exclaimed Sakura, her bad mood surfacing further. Tenten rolled her eyes._

"_Oh PLEASE! Sasuke was using the Sharingan the WHOLE TIME!--"_

_0o-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-o0_

"OMG, she's right…after that we started to fight!" said Sakura.

Naruto's eye's widened. "And for us too Hinata-chan! Remember…"

0o.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-o0

"_No more junk! Naruto and Tamaki-kun will be here soon and dinner is almost ready. You guys like salad right? It's a recipe from Tenten I'm making--"_

"_No!" cried Neji and Sasuke simultaneously. Hinata frowned while Sasuke provided an explanation._

"_That salad is _evil_. I swear on all lollipops sacred that that salad is only a recipe for disaster, nothing more." he said, looking around frantically._

"_Indeed. It made Sakura and my wife, Tenten, fight just two days ago."_

"_It gave me a tummy ache!" _

"_It killed my first born!" called Neji. Sasuke and Hinata looked at him incredulously._

"_WHAT! How can a _salad_ kill a _child_?" the heiress asked._

"_Well…alright, it didn't, but that salad is still a demon sent from hell. Uchiha…We must dispose of it." Sasuke nodded in agreement._

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

"And then later we _ate_ the salad Hinata! It is true!" exclaimed Naruto.

"So…there isn't anything wrong with our marriages? Shit happened because of a stupid salad?" inquired Hinata.

"No, but I think it was a big part of the quarrelling. Like I said, each of you has a hard time respecting your significant other, and I sense a few trust issues. However that isn't uncommon for any married couple and you shouldn't worry about it unless it becomes a big problem…"

"So…what do we do now?" asked Sakura. "Do we just live a life without Tenten's salad and everything will go back to normal?"

"Yes, I think so." said Temari. "Just don't eat it."

"Wow…that's pretty gay. Who would have thought…" said Sakura. "Neji, Sasuke, I'm sorry for not believing you…"

"Yeah, me too." said Hinata sheepishly. "I apologize." Neji gave them a faint smile.

"We accept your apology Hinata-sama. You too Sakura."

"Yeah…don't even worry about it…" said Sasuke.

"Thanks for all your help, Temari-san. From all of us." said Sakura.

"Yeah, thanks for everything." Hinata smiled while all of the boys nodded in agreement.

"So…" said Naruto. "I guess were about done here. You all wanna go out for tacos? That Neato Burrito sounds pretty good right about now…"

"Sounds good to me." said Neji. "Tenten's treat since this is all her fault anyways."

"Fine…" grumbled Tenten, exiting with everyone else. "But technically this is the salad's fault, not mine…"

"Have a nice time!" called Temari. She got up to close the door, glad the crazy ordeal was over.

"Only one more thing left to do…" She got out a scroll and some ink.

_Dear Itachi and Ino Uchiha_

_How…_

There was a sudden knock on the door.

"Come in!"

The door opened slowly with a tired looking Kakashi and a rather peeved looking Anko.

"Hello." said Temari smiling. "Welcome to Counseling of the--ew, what's that smell? Are you eating something Anko-san? I don't really allow food in here."

"What? Oh this?" She held up a plastic container. "It's just this cool salad Tenten made for me a while back. Want some?"

Temari sighed.

_0o-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-o0_

"Ino. We have mail." stated Itachi. Ino's eyebrows raised.

"But no one knows where we live except…"

"Temari." finished Itachi. "It came from Suna so it's probably from her."

"Oooh! Our first piece of mail as a married couple! How wonderful! Open it Itachi!"

"Hn…"

0o-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-o0

Dear Itachi and Ino Uchiha.

How are things? I hope your first day as a couple is happy. Anyways, Ino I know you probably have Tenten's salad recipe…

BURN IT IMMEDIATLEY AND NEVER EVER EAT IT AGAIN!

…That is all.

Happy wishes.

Temari of the Sand.

0o-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-o0

"So…how are the couples doing Jaylee?"

"Well…"

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

_Sasuke and Sakura later had three more children, and repainted their house a proper color. Sasuke still plays DDR with Neji on Saturday's and Sakura became a stay-at-home mom._

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

_Naruto and Hinata didn't have anymore children. Hinata quit her job as a kunoichi as well and became a chef. Tamaki became a Pokemon Master and has a degree in Marine Biology._

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

Neji and Tenten got divorced two weeks after their session with Temari. Cause let's face it, even without the salad, their marriage was crap to begin with.

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

_Itachi and Ino had a little girl named Mikoto. When she turned 13, she proceeded to kill everyone in the Village of Overcast, now called the Overcast Massacre. Itachi and Ino are extremely proud. Itachi owns the largest and most popular salon chain in all shinobi nations called "The Red Cloud"_

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

Vroomer 2.0 met up with a Washer Machine and had two beautiful baby blenders who are rap stars.

_x-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-x_

_And Gaara…_

"Come in!" said Temari. In walked Gaara with something unidentifiable behind him.

"Hello sister. I have a problem…" A half-dead black and white jelly-looking creature waddled from behind Gaara. Temari threw-up.

"What the heck is that?!" she asked, wiping her mouth. Gaara smiled.

"He's a Jelleguin! I've named him Edgar. I found him at this abandoned lab yesterday and we've been BFF's ever since! However, he seems to explosive diarrhea problems and--"

Temari sighed and left her office, leaving a very confused Gaara in her wake.

"Temari! Where are you going? I need helllllppp! Don't you care about Edgar?"

"No!" called Temari from the elevator. "Go get someone else to help you with your weird shit. My shift is over!"

_**O0**o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.O0**__o0_**o**_0x0_**o**_0o__**0O**_

**_So!_** That's the end folks. I really hoped you liked this story! The only reason I kept it going was because of the great postive response I got from you all. Thanks alot!

Also, like I said, my contest is coming to a close. After this update, it will be open for one week, and then closed for judging. The winnners should be anounced early October.

I have another short 4 chaptered story planned, so stay tuned!

minxtrain..where are you?. xD

Love, Jaylen.


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